5/5/2448

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Archeological Report BH(CL) 19461601

Galactic Positioning System Coordinates: [REDACTED]

Origin Reference: Nyx

Head Researcher: Grimaldi, Joseph

Research Team:

XenoArcheologists:

George G.L. Fox

Emmett Kelly

Yuri Nikulin

Security Detail:

Jack Point, Head of Sight Security.

Alan Clay, Security Officer.

Dario Fo, Security Officer.

Slava Polunin, Security Officer.

John Gilkey, Security Officer.

Bill Irwin, Security Officer.


FULL REPORT

Ok, I feel it necessary to begin this with a very serious disclaimer that absolutely every word, from beginning to end, is entirely authentic. This is not a gag we’re playing, not some bit of comedy, and as some insurance, we’re sending some examples of the artifacts we’ve found as well as some photographic evidence of the stuff we can’t move for various reasons to help supplement the evidence. That said, I myself still can’t believe what the hell I’m looking at, and I’ve been looking at it for the last three months.


Date: 5, 5, 2448


My name is Joseph Grimaldi, and I’m the Head researcher for this operation at Site H, located on some barren rock right on the edge of Nyx. Not even the safe edge. I’m pretty sure if I jumped too high right now, I’d cross into the red line and get bluespace artillery-ed into oblivion. I have to say though, you guys said it’d be interesting research, and you weren’t wrong. It’s entirely not what I was expecting, and to be honest, I thought it was a hoax when we first got here, but radio carbon dating doesn’t lie. You guys have something REALLY weird out here.


I suppose for those of you who don’t have immediate access to the photos and haven’t seen the site yourself, I should describe it for you. From a distance, it looks like pretty much every other rock out here, huge, brown and grey, rough and lacking detail, uniformly looking like someone took a [REDACTED] in the middle of space and it hardened there. But as soon as we got closer to it, it became pretty obvious it’s more than just stone out here. This thing’s got a huge temple complex on it, sprawling at least a mile in every direction on the one side, what we’re calling the top, and god knows how far into the rock, but what’s really weird is that this thing has directional gravity, not that much different from what we use on the stations. The reason this is weird is that this temple is mostly made of stone, for god’s sake, although that raises the question of how the hell it got here in the first place as well, if there’s no atmospherics in place, as well as how they’re creating the gravity here. Our initial investigation hasn’t branched very far into the place, only the nearest ten or so rooms, due to some rather large doors we can’t get open yet, but what we HAVE found has been extremely unusual even for a crazy stone asteroid ruins, and honestly? A little creepy.


I suppose the best place to start is to explain what we’ve found in here so far, and by far, the first thing that any of us noticed was the glyphs. While the outside of the temple looks rough and unpolished, the interior looks like it was carved from the rock itself bit by bit, and polished to shine at one point, though by the time we arrived and set up camp it was fairly dirty in here, debris and dust gathered over eons having coated every surface but the ceiling, and on almost every inch of these walls are glyphs, carvings in what would normally be very alien and strange symbols and languages. The thing is, this isn’t like that. With very few exceptions, we all recognize almost every one of these things without question, though we shouldn’t. The creepy thing is, the symbols themselves are what’re the most disconcerting. Now, remember, as I said previously, we’ve taken samples, we’ve done radio carbon dating, the whole thing, and every result has showed the same thing. This temple has been here like this for at least the last ten thousand years. That said, there’s no more dancing around it. The glyphs are depicting things like flowers, bike horns, and most commonly, clown masks, usually of the same type that they issue to clowns on space stations.


Yes, you read correctly. Clown masks and props. Glyphs of clown masks and bike horns and such are carved into a temple upwards of ten thousand years old. No, we didn’t inhale space dust, eat ambrosia vulgaris, or otherwise get high. We’re sending photographic evidence of these glyphs along with this report.


That’s just the start of the disconcerting, though. Probably the most concerning thing in this temple (oh, and yes, it is a temple, the ornate glyphs and general lay out make that clear at least,) is the doors. Not the little ones from room to room all over the place. Inside the temple, at the very back of the entrance we’ve come in through, standing easily fifty feet tall in this place, with the top of them invisible in the shadows, are two massive metal doors, made of a yellow metal that none of us recognize offhand, though they squeak if you touch them. They’re at least as wide as they are tall, but what’s carved into them is what’s really got us all on edge. It’s a giant face, looking somewhat like the clown mask glyphs, but there’s just something… off…. About it. None of us can put our fingers on it, though Yuri says that it’s the eyes, that they’re wrong. He says that he feels like they’re following him around the room any time he’s in sight of them, but none of us share the sentiment too much, though we still think the doors aren’t right.


That said, the rest of the temple is almost just as disturbing, with at least one room being just reliefs of eyes staring into it’s center, and another room housing a giant banana peel statue made from that yellow metal again, with what Bill, one of the security officers stationed out here, swears up and down is a giant shoe sole, though the “toes” as he claims they are, are too wide to be a show in my opinion.


That’s just the tip of the iceberg, mind, and we’re still exploring what we can, but we’ve yet to find a way to get the big yellow doors to open, though I suspect there’s a mechanism somewhere in the temple that’ll trigger them. In the interest of our exploration, we’ve set up a pressurized base camp on this rock in the door chamber, given their size, with solar power being wired in from outside. The camp’s got our crew quarters in them, as well as a research lab with our equipment, and some other rooms such as the showers and recreational area for use when we’re not able to head back to the N.S.V. Benny Hill for such ammenities.


That said, I’m finally sending this report because we’ve found something of real interest here, as unsettling as it may be. In one of the furthest in chambers we’ve found to date, behind a door that had been locked until Dr. Kelly just happened to lean against the right glyph and trip the mechanism, we found a pedestal with what appears to be a clown mask on it, carved from the local stone, with what looks like hair attached and knotted on it in two big puffs. The thing is, the hair looks organic in nature, and should have rotted by this point given where it is, and is greener than some people’s grass, a coloration I’ve never seen in hair before. While we all agree it’s creepy, however, we’ve brought it back to the camp for radio carbon dating, and for a more detailed analysis of the hair, so we might be able to pin down the source.