From NSS Phoenix


Present Credentials Now.

……….…..Credentials Authenticated

…………..………….Access Granted

……….………………..Opening File

Archeological Report BH(CL) 19461603

Galactic Positioning System Coordinates: [REDACTED]

Origin Reference: Nyx

Head Researcher: Grimaldi, Joseph

Research Team:


George G.L. Fox (Missing, Presumed Dead.)

Emmett Kelly

Yuri Nikulin (Dead, Corpse missing.)

Security Detail:

Jack Point, Head of Sight Security.

Alan Clay, Security Officer. (Dead, Corpse missing.)

Dario Fo, Security Officer.(Dead, Corpse missing.)

Slava Polunin, Security Officer.

John Gilkey, Security Officer. (Dead, Corpse missing.)

Bill Irwin, Security Officer.


(Please be aware, this report is a transcript of a radio transmission sent via bluespace transceiver directly to the N.S.V. Benny Hill from Site H, however, parts of the signal were lost to interference. The N.S.V. Benny Hill is currently moving into position near the site again to send a ground team.)

Date: 5, 8, 2448

  • panting*

“This is Head Researcher Joseph Grimaldi transmitting from Site H to the N.S.V. Benn-*Static*”

“Come in Doctor Grimaldi, this is the N.S.V. Benny Hill, Do you read?”

“YES! Thank the Ho*Static*er, I read you! We need help immediately! Send anything you can, just get us off this rock as fast as possible and away from here!”

“Dr. Grimaldi, you’re on contract with Nano-”


“What?! Doctor, what the hell happened?! I’ll patch the captain through, just keep talking.”

“It was fucking Yuri! He wouldn’t stop crying and freaking out after the incident yesterday, but at I think it was midnight, he stopped sobbing and broke out into a laughing fit. I thought for a minute maybe he was snapping out of it, but instead, he looked up and lunged for me. The Head of Security down here Jack, he punched Yuri to the other side of the room before he could get ahold of me, but Yuri’s face was… I just… It wasn’t right. His cheeks were too red, his face too pale, he didn’t look right at all. Jack and I immediately figured it was some sort of contag*static* from the temple, so we locked Yuri into the crew quarters and got some other officers, but when we came back, Yuri wasn’t in easy sight, so one of the officers, Officer Fo, he went in first. The minute he stepped into the room, his foot slipped on a bar of soap that wasn’t even *static*ell, cracking his head on the floor and Yuri came lunging out of this closet, slamming the door on everyone else while pulling officer Fo into the room and literally *static* his face off! It just came off like it was rubber or something, it was sickening. When he had it off, Officer Fo didn’t even seem that affected though, and got on his goddamn feet, turning for the door with Yuri like some sort of goddamn zombie flick. I’ve never seen anything like it.

  • Static* barred the door while the other officers and I pulled everything out to the research chamber, freaking out Dr. Kelly and built a barricade, thank god, but the other officers were out there guarding the camp, right? *static* em on the radio, but all I could get was this goddamn laughing, like a crowd watching a show, and then Yuri and Officer Fo lurched into the airlock chamber from the crew quarters. They didn’t even put on suits, they just shambled into the temple, and out of sight. From what I’ve been told in the meantime, they got the mask and Officer Fo put it on, right over his skinless grinning face, and made their way around to Officer Gilkey and Clay, and just dragged Officer clay down, ripping his helmet off before Officer Gilkey could stop them. Officer Gilkey’s gotten back into the lab now, thank god, and shut the airlock behind him, sealing those three out, but- OH GOD, THE DOORS ARE OPENIN- NO!!! GILK-*Static*

“Doctor? Doctor!? Can you read?!”

“*sobbing can be heard over the radio transmission, as well as screaming.* The doors opened, And a *Static* just reached out and ripped the goddamn lab airlock off like it was tissue paper, It grabbed Gilkey and *Static* and A- *Static* Him! Gilkey’s fucking DEAD! *Static overtakes the transmission at this point, transitioning into a disturbing cackling laughter, eventually raising in number of voices and volume until it becomes deafening. The transmission cuts out at that point for exactly six minutes, fourty five seconds, before reconnecting and a single deafeningly loud Honk sounds over the radio, causing involuntary laughter from the communications officer, and then the entire bridge around him, aboard the N.S.V. Benny Hill. The recording ends here.

Notes: The N.S.V. Benny Hill was detected detonating via pre-installed self destruct mechanism for reasons unknown two hours and fifty three minutes after the end of the previous record. Subsequent investigation of the wreckage by salvage crews reported no bodies being present, excluding a single corpse, that of Researcher Grimaldi, dressed in a full Clown outfit, wearing the mask mentioned previously, floating in the middle, uncharred. The remains have since been interred at [REDACTED] for further examination.