From NSS Phoenix

The most refined of all religions, Joeism is a premium, pay to pray religion dedicated to Creeper Joe.

Central Believes

The Joeism religion centers around Elitism, the act of brandishing ones exclusiveness and supremacy over other crewmembers, elevating you beyond the average Joe. Quite often Joeists dismay anyone not following their religion, usually purging them by slamming their head into a table (after putting them onto it). They also have a strong feeling towards wealth and brandishing about anything they spend on it. Joeism promotes spending, saving is a shame and must be denounced just like non-believers.

Their centralized god, Creeper Joe, is a lizard/unathi distinguishable from the average lizard/unathi by the fact that he's got a scar on his eye as well as carrying horns. Horns are often brandished in elitism, cherishing the rare chance of being born with the magnificent ability to stab someone's eyes out with horns.

The lesser jobs such as Shaft Miner, Janitor and Roboticists are seen as honorary jobs, command positions being a disgrace. Quite often believers will find themselves easily aligning with forces reckoned with taking down these "heads". They'd almost never work together and when they'd do, they have no other choice. They don't work together, they'd have people do it for them.

There's a gigantic dismay for IPC's and Dionae's. The former for being racially inferior and the latter for it's neigh immortality. No one deserver's immortality that does not follow the lord!

The chapel requires entry fees which should go into your own pocket. You must also try to get as much money off of people as possible, in the name of your god. Those who do not do so must be kicked out. Church music that is played must be Rock or Dubstep, as the ears must be cleansed with the holy sound to blast out the words of the unworthy gods!

Soap is a mighty relic that must be acquired at all costs! Syndicate and Golden soap are top priority!


Wet floors are considered sacred, with Lube ascending it to such a sacred level that people can feel the presence of the higher one. Cleaner Grenades are cherished as well, being often ignited during Ceremonies and used to slip people to coat them in the holy waters of the lord.

Repeatedly putting someone onto a table is a sign of dominance, which should be done as much as one can possibly do. Should the victim try to scream, he should be silenced with a head slam to the table every time they'd speak. Skull fractures will allow the lord to flow into their mind.

The fanatics will often draw a Purple circle whilst putting a worthy sacrifice (IPC/Dionae) on the circle and proceeding to whack the crap out of it, using a blunt weapon. The suffering is supposed to take as long as possible, so treating the wounds of the victim is advised. Should the victim die, then the off springing nymph should be re-used and the IPC should be thrown in the crushers. This way this will corrupt the vile afterlives of the beings, making sure they'll end up where they deserve.

Of course the lord admires creativity and appreciates ceremonies not mentioned above, as long as they try to follow the habits of the Ceremonies mentioned above. It's also required to pay the 10 credit entry fee, which should be put in your own pocket. Should someone try to pay for multiple people, you'd take the money and thank him, but denying access to the rest until they pay.

Other gods!

The other gods, the more influential ones will try to stop you in following your lord and savior! Do not listen, they'll try to seduce you to defect them to their side! Show your loyalty to your lord and savior! The most infamous, Jamie, should be denounced by calling him a potato.